It's Been Way Too Long

I came across a picture of Brittany and me with our dogs.  I broke down when I saw it because Brittany is holding Remi, which is ironic because Po was her love and Remi was mine.  We lost Remi unexpectedly several months after Brittany was diagnosed with cancer.  Remi was THAT dog for me . . . you know that dog you compare all other dogs to?  She was incredibly dumb, but she was sweeter than she was dumb and she brought a smile to my face literally every time I looked at her.  I held Remi in my arms as she took her last breath, and I did the same for Brittany less than a year later.   

I bring this up because six months after losing Brittany, I am still just as emotional as the day we lost her.  Honestly, it still doesn’t feel real the majority of the time.  I fake my way through most days and simply focus on being the best father I can be for THAT day.  I recently had a conversation with a friend and they mentioned how I eventually just need to move on.  I typically don’t even respond to these comments because they mean well and those who make them have never lost the love of their life, they weren’t forced into being a single parent, and they certainly haven’t felt the guilt that stems from simply being alive.  I will NEVER move on from Brittany.  I don’t want to.  I will carry her with me everywhere I go, for as long as I live.  I am a better person in all ways because of her. 

I decided to put our house up for sale for a number of reasons and it sold in a week.  My offer on a house was just accepted, so it looks like Liam and I will be moving even farther out into the country.  We are going from 2,200 square feet to 800 square feet, but I feel like the house sits on top of the world and we don't need much.  It’s incredibly peaceful there, and it will be an awesome place for Liam to grow up.  It’s scary, but I feel at peace with the decision. 

I feel like Everyday Warrior is on the verge of blowing up, and I am so incredibly excited for what’s to come.  We fight in Brittany’s honor, but more importantly, we fight for those like her.  I wish I could devote every bit of my time to EW, but this work and father stuff gets in the way.  In the meantime, our Executive Director is moving us in the right direction and I'm incredibly grateful he packed up his life, left his career, and chose to devote his life to something that gives his life purpose beyond measure.  One of my supervisors at work was joking around the other day and told me I needed to take a nap because it was the second day in a row I forgot to bring a piece of equipment to work with me.   I laughed and thought,”Aint nobody got time for that.”  

Anyways, I felt compelled to give my friends and family an update on our life because it's definitely been way too long.  Liam is incredibly happy, and I guess that’s how I gauge my happiness right now.  I couldn’t do it without the support of family and friends.  Especially “Grandma” and “Nana.”